Is Fat Acceptance and Weight Loss Surgery at Odds? Can the Slimosphere and Fatosphere Share Space?

Big Fat Blog is an interesting place to visit. . . .

Shame on anyone for thinking that WLS patients or advocates are sizists. I will always be that fat woman.  Always. Unfortunately she was not working for me and I am a hell of a lot more content with a light body to carry around with my degenerative arthritis, Lupus, intermittent brain swelling and joints that are too flexible . . .but most of all I am happy to have lost the burden of shame and ridicule -most of which is disguised in everyday interaction. 

Unless you have a hidden camera or recording device you'll have no idea what they say about you behind your back! 

A few years back I sat on a committee where we interviewed applicant for a therapist position.  
Joyce was big, really big but by far she was the best choice- as fora as I was concerned.  The group met on a Sunday over breakfast while we went though the applications.  No one in the group knew me as the 300-pounder I once was or they wouldn't have said what they did that morning.

"Joyce obviously can't handle anyone with an eating disorder," giggled Sandy.  I knew Sandy did have an eating disorder, bulimia, one she kept hidden form our group but I smelled when she left the bathroom with puke on her breath.

"Oh my God, can you imagine going out to lunch with her," laughed Terry. I ate lunch with terry for years; she was a cheap bitch who never paid her share, ate of my plate and then had the nerve to sneak money from the tip.

As they went around the table I had time to search my purse for my business card, the one i use when i run weight groups.  I keep them on me, one side shows me at in underwear, topping the scales at 300+ and the other side half of me.  Under the pictures is the sentence: Which Woman Would You Hire as Your Therapist? 

I flipped the picture-card out, threw down a $20 and left.
Joyce was hired. The truth and the saddest fact is that FAT ME was just as good in every way as THIN ME.  I wasn't as big a woman as Joyce to shoulder what society dished out.

I admire all of you for holding up that banner some of us couldn't.

By-the-way, I left the practice and so did Joyce.  We remain wonderful friends.    

Thank God for Weight Loss Surgery Otherwise it might have been Tonga, Kuait, Fiji, Jamaica, Samoa, . . .

One time I decided to go to a third world to lose weight. So fat I had been unable to catch anorexia or bulimia, every diet failed me and my exercise bike broke under my weight. I was wearing depends from the blisters. Then I found the article for the missionary activity in the subway. It read: Christian Envoy’s needed for faith work in South Africa. Bring the word of Jesus and the Love of God to all! 

Okay, I was going. It made complete sense: third world, terrible food, limited portions and diarrhea. Nuts, bananas, fruit, some rice and God-knows, in a few months of treking through the jungle I’d be thin.  My only issue was that I was married and Jewish.  There I am joking with my girlfriend, Layne, about the idea. 

“In case you don’t know, South Africans are fat, they life to be fat, and the prize it.” 

Read this from top tenz

10. Tonga

In the small South Pacific island of Tonga, beauty is marked by large physical size.  This coupled with a reliance on fatty, nutrient-deficient imported foods and a decrease in activity has caused the nation to embrace obesity.  About 100,000 of the island’s 114,000 adult inhabitants are overweight.  According to several studies released in 2004 by the North American Association for the Study of Obesity, Tongans are genetically predisposed to be fat.  The predilection toward feminine obesity also appears to be rooted in heredity and custom.

Read more: http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-countries-celebrating-female-obesity.php#ixzz2RaZkKewa

9. Kuwait

Middle Eastern Kuwait is not only home to rich oil deposits in the land but some in its people.  Cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death and 52% of Kuwaiti women over 15 are obese.  Historically, these nomadic desert people came to prize fatness as a sign of health and wealth–a trend which clearly continues to this day.  In a country where women exercising is a taboo, wives are frequently prized as decorative items to fill up the house: the bigger, the more opulent.

8. Fiji

As its leaders strove to connect the once-isolated island with the rest of the world, Fiji unwittingly introduced new calorie-dense food into its diet.  This South Pacific nation’s customs revolve around the giving of food as a sign of prosperity.  This, coupled with insufficient education about health risks, has left the vast majority of Fiji overweight.  Not only are they fat, they are happy.  Girth has long been revered in a woman as a sign of health, wealth and fertility.

7. Jamaica

With nearly 65% of Jamaican females classified as obese, the ideal beach body is nearly twice its medically-appropriate size.  In this island nation particular emphasis is placed on generous hips and hindquarters, a condition known as steatopygia.  A 1993 study conducted in rural Jamaica associated thinness with sadness but heaviness with happiness, kindness and social harmony.  There is also a burgeoning pill market which caters to young women desiring to gain weight.

6. Samoa

Since the country abandoned its South Pacific taro and fish diet for processed foods following WWII, body mass has been on the rise in Samoa.  Nonetheless, obesity is not a recent phenomenon there:  Food shortages have plagued the natives for centuries and biological anthropologists believe Samoans are genetically programmed to store extra calories in fat tissue.  Because this natural proclivity produces a generally larger population, heavy women are simply the norm and therefore embraced.

5. South Africa

Due to the prevalence of AIDS, the association between weight loss and illness has contributed to South Africa’s negative view of thinness.  The centuries-old correlation between higher weight and higher wealth was not overcome by the post-Apartheid introduction of European size ideals.  Large women continue to be favored as their heft lends insight into both their health and financial status.

4. Afghanistan

For centuries, plump Afghani women have been prized for their stark contrast to the barren environment.  Female fertility is highly associated with excess pounds among these nomads eking out survival in the desert sand.  For the most part, burquas conceal the exact terrain of a woman’s body but a chubby face with soft features is highly desired.

3. Tahiti

The French Polynesian island of Tahiti was home to the native practice of ha’apori.  Literally meaning “to fatten,” young women were plumped and presented to the chief for beauty and fertility inspection.  The celebration of obesity continues to this day, due in part to a diet rich in carbohydrates and coconut milk.  Tahitian women continue to be revered for their rounded faces and bodies.

2. Nauru

Not only is Nauru known for the highest rate of diabetes in the world at 31%, it is renowned for its universal embrace of obesity.  This tiny South Pacific island’s 14,000 population associates corpulence with beauty and fertility– women are fattened in preparation for childbearing and men for strength competitions.  The phosphate deposits which cover the vast majority of the island prohibit large scale farming.  Importation of fresh produce continues to be cost-prohibitive so mostly cheap, fattening foods are brought in from New Zealand and Australia.

1. Mauritania

In this drought-ridden west African nation, female obesity is synonymous with beauty and wealth.  Though less common, “gavage” (borrowed from the French to describe fattening a goose’s liver destined for foie gras) is still practiced, with young girls imbibing vast qualities of fatty camel milk daily.  Women unable to pack on the pounds at fat farms routinely take antihistamines and animal steroids to induce appetite.  Exercise isfrowned upon and women are frequently divorced for their inability to sustain excessive girth after childbirth.

Suzanne Duvall

Read more: http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-countries-celebrating-female-obesity.php#ixzz2RaZBzQen

Dieting, Rex Reed, Fat Acceptance, Obesity, Women and Melissa McCarthy: The skinny on the Fat

I love Melissa McCarthy. So does my husband. NEVER  did her size summon anything negative. In fact I think he has the hots for her!      

Melissa McCarthy's "Identity Thief" opened to record numbers making it one of the best attended debuts of a comedy in all time.  But Rex Reed, a curmudgeon of a man, did not just bash her movie—instead he called her a female hippo, obese, tractor sized and "comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success."

Have you ever sen this man?  Google his name.  He ain't no lightweight.  RUTHLESS REX came out of his closet, one he knows well, to steal her moment. But "Rex, the shoplifter Reed," knows all about stealing. (Rex Reed blames his arrest on fever of forgetfulness", USA Today, February 17, 2000.)  He called it a lapse Did he also forget where his ass had been?  I'm sure it's been in a lot more compromising places than this woman a larger-than-life Melissa has been. 

Then again I ask what other corpulent male actors have he done this deed to- I mean the bashing. Did he ever think about vilifying Hitchcock, Dom, DeLuise, Jack Black, Orson Wells or NATHAN LANE for their girth? 

He wrote, 

"The snafus in the worst road movie since The Guilt Trip plunge Mr. Bateman and his female hippo into a motel with only a double bed, a grotesque sex scene with a pickled reprobate she picks up in a bar who demands a threesome, a violent bar fight that bloodies his nose, a kidnapping, a multi-car collision going the wrong way on the freeway … but why go on? They seem to be making it up as they go along, in a movie that threatens never to end. . . Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) is a gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success. . .  Poor Jason Bateman. How did an actor so charming, talented, attractive and versatile get stuck in so much dreck? From

 http://observer.com/2013/02/declined-in-identity-thief-batemans-bankable-billing-cant-lift-this-flick-out-of-the-red/

Rex, are you jealous?  

Cacophonous, you also called her.

ca·coph·o·nous  [kuh-kof-uh-nuhs]  adjective

Having a harsh or discordant sound.  

 That's what YOUR words summon.  They assaulted my ears just as much as fag, drunkard, junkie, or shit-packer might.  I raised five children and the're all better behaved than you.  Is this your regular paradigm for treating a bad movie review?  Insult the qualities, attributes or the personal-self of the actors?  What if the actor was an alcoholic or drug addict? How about gay? 

Well, Mr. Reed, this is some kind of strange (I could have used another word and given you a taste of your own medicine) bias you've shown.  Slam the movie, but debasing the actress for her appearance?  It seems like you've been stuck in a lot of dreck (Shit in Yiddish) yourself.  You should know better.

Then you used the constitution to fortify your dreck-filled mouth.  YOU of all people!  And I'm not talking about the oppressed group of idiots and shoplifters.  Just take you old ass to the boonies and see how much of those farm boys and cow hands would take kindly to you.  Truth is—my skinny ass would be right at your side. 

"Saying that his jerky comments are "constitutionally protected, so there's nothing anybody can do," Reed dragged out a conspiracy theory claiming that Universal Pictures was using his review to leverage moviegoers to buy tickets."

http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/rex-reed-says-melissa-mccarthy-bases-career-on-being-obnoxious-and-fat-invokes-constitution-for-his-right-to-be-a-jerk-20130211

On Twitter, Paul Feig, who directed McCarthy in Bridesmaids and The Heat, wrote, "I cordially invite Mr. Rex Reed to go fuck himself." (From Wikipedia  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rex_Reed )

I think your miserable self has been doing that- for a long time.

Rex Reed is a figment in his own imagination. 

I just asked my husband to read this.  "Yeah, I love funny women.  Maybe Melissa might get a chance with me. . ."  

Fat-hate is destructive and what was said not only targeted this actress, it hit all of us who battle those attitudes and stereotypes. e 

Al Rocker, Chris Christie and FAT Politics: STOP the Blame!

Today Show host,  Al Roker, debuted his memoir Never Goin' Back: Winning the Weight-Loss Battle For Good,  he revealed two of the worst comments he has faced.  First, he cheated willpower by having weight loss surgery.  Second, people liked him better when he was fat.

In February 2013,  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie fired back at a former White House doctor who called attention to his weight. "It's almost a like a time bomb waiting to happen unless he addresses those issues before running for office," Connie Mariano said. 

Christie called her comment "out of line."

The Obese can't win!  They are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Millions of opinions later the public is still divided—is it bullying to ask someone to shape up and get healthy?  The public says, "no!" Can it disqualify one from the Presidency?  They say, "yes!"  Does weight loss surgery cheat willpower and make one less of a person?  The public screams, "absolutely!"  Dieting is a solitary effort but few realize what the social world feeds the obese us.  Society vilifies the obese and reminiscent of the early AIDS epidemic, holds them directly accountable.  After all, you can choose what you put in your mouth.

How much do we vilify the obese?

In a study of attitudes on obesity Glen Gaesser revealed  that college students would chose to marry a criminal, embezzler, drug user, shoplifter, or blind person rather than a fat person.  Over half of young women would rather be run over by a truck than be obese and two-thirds would rather be stupid or mean than fat.

·         46% would give a year of life

·         30% would rather go through a divorce

·         35% would rather be severely depressed

·         24% would give up three years of life

64% of all Americans are overweight.  Shockingly even some of the overweight and obese derogate  each other.  There is always someone worse off.  

TIP: Is it any wonder why we self-loath when we gain weight?  YOU many not be the failure. Punch society for some of that contribution. 

We Like Our Friends Fat

We like our fat friends but we like our friends fat. Women seem to enjoy the company of their fat friends.  It makes them feel better.  After all, thin is in and image and weight is a national obbsession. 

Kate Moss with two fat girls.  It's iconic. The last thing your skinny friends want is for you to be skinnier.  It might have to do with evolution.  A few hundred or thousand years ago they might have seen the skinny as ready to drop dead, but the tides of weight have turned.  It seems that women compete for men and since men like attractive THIN women, bigger women are the disadvantaged.  What better way for that thin woman to show off her beauty than be in the company of dullards and fatties. I was adored by my thin buddies.  Or so I thought.    

"Oh I'm sooo FAT," she croons as she slips into a size 6 and I'm lucky to fit into a 20 with stretch.  (That was 10 years back!) 

I know you've heard it.  They do it for a reason--everyone needs to know someone less fortunate than they are.  What I say?  Fight back.  There is a hen-pecking order and when women loose weight or look better, some of their so-called friends just can't accept it.  I lost 150 pounds. and never had plsatic surgery. 

When I became divalicious I lost a few of them.  There I was walking down the hallways where I worked in size 6 jeans, turtleneck and a hip belt.  I didn't shove it in their face.  I wore a tailored suit jacket and always was a LADY.  "You changed," said one work buddy.  Yes, but I was still the same person inside.  She could not adjust to the fact that I was attractive.   A few days later she took me to lunch and demanded I accept the Tira-mi-su for desert.  I refused and soon thereafter our 20 year friendship was done. 

 Where are you in this mix?  I'd like to know.  I slip into the size 6 now.  I am always the elegant lady (look below).   But I would NEVER think of rubbing that fact into anyone's face.

Kate moss with her fat friends

 

Lady like and having fun after losing 150 pounds 

 

What happened to that 300 pound woman they knew?  The one who ran from pictures? I don't know but this one is living!

Fat Shame and Fat Hate -Fact of the Week

Today I received an Email form a WLS buddy who was having a bad day.  Three years out and she went and ate carrot cake. Just a slice.  But she was so disappointed in herself.  I once ate an entire cake-in the car- and used the cardboard box as a shovel! 

When I was twice my size I have no doubt that my shame drove up my stress.  Every dieting failure, insult or look ramped up my cortisol levels and triggered an eating reaction.  That's what nature intended--our ancestors faced constant starvation and our bodies are wired to sooth stress with food.   Our fat cells became eager puppies, ready to sop up all those calories-and store them and to add insult to injury we got a big dose of Gherlin to stimulate more hunger.  While some of us no longer have to obsess about dieting failures we need to remember that everyday stress and feeling we might not be on track can also exacerbate stress.  How can we combat that bugger?  Give yourself a break,  Take a walk, exercise, smile, watch a funny movie, blog, and keep away from food cues.  Don't beat yourself up.  No one is perfect.  By the way don't you just hate prefect people?  I laughed at that piece of carrot cake and then i told her how I arrived to my mother-in-laws birthday-only I had to stop on the way and buy a crappy supermarket substitute. 
'What happened to the idea of the carrot cake," asked my daughter.
I tongued my lips to get rid of the last bit of evidence,
"The bakery ran out," I lied.  "Can you believe it?"

Have a laugh.  I love all of you. Please share your stories! 

dawnmhopper@gmail. 

Fat Chance

       On October 1st 2012, WKBT Anchor Jennifer Livingston received a victimizing email which accused her of making the “choice” of being obese and setting a bad example for the community's young people, girls in particular…” Her spirited response went viral on YouTube and is being covered by all the news networks.

            Hundreds of thousands opinions later show that the public is divided—is it really bullying to ask another human being to shape up and get healthy?  Is someone's size really our business?  As a once 300 pound psychologist I lived on the cutting edge of that razor—and there's no easy answer. 
            Distaste of the obese is a knee jerk reaction—deep and complex,  fat-hate is as resistant to disappearing as is that extra hundred pounds. Why? Because we believe weight is under our control. 

I disagree.  I once topped the scales at over 300 pounds.  This blog takes aim at society that fat-shames, fat-hates but realizes that Weight Loss Surgery might be our best option.