We Like Our Friends Fat

We like our fat friends but we like our friends fat. Women seem to enjoy the company of their fat friends.  It makes them feel better.  After all, thin is in and image and weight is a national obbsession. 

Kate Moss with two fat girls.  It's iconic. The last thing your skinny friends want is for you to be skinnier.  It might have to do with evolution.  A few hundred or thousand years ago they might have seen the skinny as ready to drop dead, but the tides of weight have turned.  It seems that women compete for men and since men like attractive THIN women, bigger women are the disadvantaged.  What better way for that thin woman to show off her beauty than be in the company of dullards and fatties. I was adored by my thin buddies.  Or so I thought.    

"Oh I'm sooo FAT," she croons as she slips into a size 6 and I'm lucky to fit into a 20 with stretch.  (That was 10 years back!) 

I know you've heard it.  They do it for a reason--everyone needs to know someone less fortunate than they are.  What I say?  Fight back.  There is a hen-pecking order and when women loose weight or look better, some of their so-called friends just can't accept it.  I lost 150 pounds. and never had plsatic surgery. 

When I became divalicious I lost a few of them.  There I was walking down the hallways where I worked in size 6 jeans, turtleneck and a hip belt.  I didn't shove it in their face.  I wore a tailored suit jacket and always was a LADY.  "You changed," said one work buddy.  Yes, but I was still the same person inside.  She could not adjust to the fact that I was attractive.   A few days later she took me to lunch and demanded I accept the Tira-mi-su for desert.  I refused and soon thereafter our 20 year friendship was done. 

 Where are you in this mix?  I'd like to know.  I slip into the size 6 now.  I am always the elegant lady (look below).   But I would NEVER think of rubbing that fact into anyone's face.

Kate moss with her fat friends

 

Lady like and having fun after losing 150 pounds 

 

What happened to that 300 pound woman they knew?  The one who ran from pictures? I don't know but this one is living!

Fat Shame and Fat Hate -Fact of the Week

Today I received an Email form a WLS buddy who was having a bad day.  Three years out and she went and ate carrot cake. Just a slice.  But she was so disappointed in herself.  I once ate an entire cake-in the car- and used the cardboard box as a shovel! 

When I was twice my size I have no doubt that my shame drove up my stress.  Every dieting failure, insult or look ramped up my cortisol levels and triggered an eating reaction.  That's what nature intended--our ancestors faced constant starvation and our bodies are wired to sooth stress with food.   Our fat cells became eager puppies, ready to sop up all those calories-and store them and to add insult to injury we got a big dose of Gherlin to stimulate more hunger.  While some of us no longer have to obsess about dieting failures we need to remember that everyday stress and feeling we might not be on track can also exacerbate stress.  How can we combat that bugger?  Give yourself a break,  Take a walk, exercise, smile, watch a funny movie, blog, and keep away from food cues.  Don't beat yourself up.  No one is perfect.  By the way don't you just hate prefect people?  I laughed at that piece of carrot cake and then i told her how I arrived to my mother-in-laws birthday-only I had to stop on the way and buy a crappy supermarket substitute. 
'What happened to the idea of the carrot cake," asked my daughter.
I tongued my lips to get rid of the last bit of evidence,
"The bakery ran out," I lied.  "Can you believe it?"

Have a laugh.  I love all of you. Please share your stories! 

dawnmhopper@gmail. 

Shirking From the Camera -Fat and Fab?

Yes, that's me.  Ten years or more ago.  And that wasn't my biggest. . .zuchinni.  In fact I can't even find pictures because I shirked from the camera. 

My story is every desperate obese story.  Except in one way.  Psychologist. 

Dr. Oz says Gastric Bypass Surgery Works. . . .for weight loss

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/weight-loss-surgery

Are you aware that @ 2% of all those who are qualified to have WLS do it?   That means 98% of those who could never do.
WHY? Why wouldn't more people jump at that chance?  Well, I'd like you to tell me.  I'm a psychologist but I can guess that a lot has to do with denial. 

When I tipped the scales at over 300 I had a bevy of friends who told me I WAS CRAZY to have WLS. Some of them were bigger than I was!  
"Isn't that too drastic?"
"You're not that big." (Yeah, at 300 plus I was that big).
"You could die." (I was already dying).
"Use your willpower."  (I could have climbed mt. Kilimanjaro easier than losing weight) .
"Isn't that a short-cut?"   (Were they kidding?)


 Did you have the same experience?  Were you discouraged?  

Fat Chance

       On October 1st 2012, WKBT Anchor Jennifer Livingston received a victimizing email which accused her of making the “choice” of being obese and setting a bad example for the community's young people, girls in particular…” Her spirited response went viral on YouTube and is being covered by all the news networks.

            Hundreds of thousands opinions later show that the public is divided—is it really bullying to ask another human being to shape up and get healthy?  Is someone's size really our business?  As a once 300 pound psychologist I lived on the cutting edge of that razor—and there's no easy answer. 
            Distaste of the obese is a knee jerk reaction—deep and complex,  fat-hate is as resistant to disappearing as is that extra hundred pounds. Why? Because we believe weight is under our control. 

I disagree.  I once topped the scales at over 300 pounds.  This blog takes aim at society that fat-shames, fat-hates but realizes that Weight Loss Surgery might be our best option.